Sunday, October 21, 2012

7 free Halloween books for parents and teachers!

Halloween is just around the corner! Check out some of these freebies that I found today.

Please note that the free status of books can and often does change without notice. Please verify that the actual buy price still says $0.00. The Prime price is something different. You can click on a book cover or the indicated link to order it and other books on Amazon.


Quick and Easy Halloween Recipes for Kids and Adults

With Halloween just around the corner, this quick and easy Halloween recipe guide will definitely leave you hanging for more! Halloween is not just about dressing up in the funniest costumes, but it’s also about creating the perfect feast! With over 25+ recipes in this guide, you will definitely find some exciting menu for this Halloween to enjoy with both parents and children. 

Click here to download it for Kindle. 


Halloween Food

Trick out the treats for your next gathering of ghouls with these 20 Halloween food projects.

These desserts, snacks, and drinks will appeal to people who want something cute and seasonal. And it will also appeal to the folks who respect the culinary adventurousness of Hannibal Lecter and the Donner party, but aren’t willing to fully commit to the requisite lifestyle change to jump in whole hog (or long pig in this case.)

Read on to find the perfect treat for your Halloween gathering.

Instructables is the most popular project-sharing community on the Internet. Since August 2005, Instructables has provided easy publishing tools to enable passionate, creative people to share their most innovative projects, recipes, skills, and ideas. Instructables has over 40,000 projects covering all subjects, including crafts, art, electronics, kids, home improvement, pets, outdoors, reuse, bikes, cars, robotics, food, decorating, woodworking, costuming, games, and life in general. 


Click here to download for Kindle. 

Easy Halloween Costumes (Instructables Halloween)

Don’t skip this year’s Halloween party because you spent most of October watching football or settling in at school. We’ve got 20 quick, simple Halloween costumes that will make you the life of the party. If you can use scissors and tape, with a dash of sewing skill, you’ll ready to take on any one of these creative costume projects. Roll up in style dressed as giant toilet paper. Turn the classic sheet-ghost into something a little more original. It’s never too late to throw something clever together, so get started with these and you’ll be rocking out to the Monster Mash in no time.

What could be better than quick, inexpensive, creative, and simple Halloween projects for procrastinators?

Instructables is the most popular project-sharing community on the Internet. Since August 2005, Instructables has provided easy publishing tools to enable passionate, creative people to share their most innovative projects, recipes, skills, and ideas. Instructables has over 40,000 projects covering all subjects, including crafts, art, electronics, kids, home improvement, pets, outdoors, reuse, bikes, cars, robotics, food, decorating, woodworking, costuming, games, and life in general.

Click here to download for Kindle.


No Tricks, Just Treats Halloween Cookbook

Coming up with great recipes for your Halloween party just got easier with this Halloween Cookbook! These delicious party treat recipes are easy to make and won’t require you to have any fancy tricks up your sleeve in order to create them.

Click here to download for Kindle.
 
Homemade Halloween Treats

Frightfully fun Halloween recipes, from the sweet to the savory, the grotesque to the gourmet – cakes and candy, party dips, drinks, and more – a colorful assortment of bloody good food that will make your Halloween party a spooktacular event! And to top things off, the authors have included a ghostly little story from Volume 3 of their “Odd True Tales” series (ASIN: B009LTC42I). You’ll find it at the end of the recipes, as a special bonus.

Click here to download for Kindle.

Halloween Enchantment

The Mystery of Halloween. This book takes you back to Halloween's Celtic origins of Samhain, through to Medieval History, and celebrations todate; together with the superstitions that surround the holiday.

Click here to download for Kindle.

Halloween Magic, Even on a Budget

Halloween can be an exciting time of year for children and adults alike, but you might already be dreading the date as you wonder how you are ever going to make your budget stretch to costumes, decorations and special treats such as candy, party foods and desserts. The good news is that by planning ahead, you can have a frugal but fun Halloween everyone in the family will love.

In this guide, you will discover a range of Halloween activities and recipes you can use as-is, or adapt to suit your own family’s budget, ages and interests. With a bit of time, effort and ingenuity, you can make the most of what you already have in the house to create decorations and costumes without spending a lot, then store them safely and re-use them year after year, not just throw them away when the day is over.

If you love to celebrate the holidays but you don’t want to feel the pinch financially, this guide will teach you how to:

+Create inexpensive decorations you can make to beautify your home inside and out +How to make your own costumes by using what you already have +Why you need to pay special attention to toddlers’ costumes at Halloween +Safe and fun alternatives to pumpkin carving +Use the downloadable lists that come with this guide to stay on top of things this year and ahead of the game next year in relation to your decorating and crafts and much more.

Halloween is becoming a bigger holiday every year, with more and more people celebrating lavishly with expensive costumes and party foods. That doesn’t mean you have to feel pressured into spending a lot. Don’t miss out on the fun. Plan ahead so your frugal festivities can include a range of options, including:

+Simple but fun and safe group activities for parties or community gatherings +Other activities besides trick-or-treating that the whole family will love +Great Halloween-themed or suspenseful movies suitable for your family and friends +Halloween treats for breakfast, lunch, dinner and brunch +Delightful desserts designed to be decorative and delicious and much more.

Halloween can be a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and spend quality time relaxing with your family. The last thing you want to do is get stressed about money. Download this guide and learn how to:

+Decorate your home quickly and cheaply and keep the children entertained at the same time with fun Halloween arts and crafts +Find great printables, homeschooling resources, entertainment pages and more +Organize a holiday craft table that will keep young people occupied for hours +Make delicious dessert recipes that will look like you spent a fortune and taste great-only you have to know that you never went to the bakery or had it catered and more.

If your children can’t wait for Halloween but all you keep worrying about is the expense, this guide can help you get organized and stay on budget year this year, and for many years to come.

Click here to download for Kindle

Monday, October 15, 2012

'Don't Question a Teen with an MBA!' Guest Article by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.

This is the fourth guest article in a series from parenting expert Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. This article is based on his latest book Surviving Your Adolescents. He is also known for the popular 1-2-3 Magic series.


Don’t Question a Teen with an MBA!
by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.

It’s very difficult to think about a teenager objectively. After all, teens can be weird, inconsistent, argumentative, uncooperative and distant. Is my child just being a “normal” teenager or are there big problems that I need to do something about? Take a moment to get a better perspective on your adolescent. It’s all too easy to focus so much on one or two aggravating issues that you lose your perspective on your child.

All Teens Have Their MBAs!

How serious are the different types of problems your adolescents come up with? If you stop to think about it, not all problems are created equal.

Many things that adolescents do—or don’t do—fall into the “MBA” category. That means they are “Minor But Aggravating.” It’s very important for parents to keep in mind that their level of aggravation about a problem is not always a measure of the seriousness of that problem. Just because you get ferociously angry about something, in other words, doesn’t mean it is a sign of a major character flaw, mental illness or sociopathic tendencies in your offspring. It may be just one irritating part of normal adolescence.

What kinds of problems fall into the MBA category? One of the best examples is the use of the phone. Do you know that long, pointless and apparently stupid conversations between teenagers over the phone are normal and healthy? Endless dialogues are what kids are supposed to be doing at this age!

The phone rings and your 16-year-old daughter dives for it. The following conversation ensues:
 “Hello.”
“Hi. What are you doing?”
“Nothing. What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“Cool.”
Two hours later not much more of significance is being discussed, but everything’s still cool. You, however, are not cool. You begin fuming, thinking about your phone bill, and about how your daughter could better spend her time doing extra-credit work for biology.

Relax. Conversations like this are good for kids. They are making contact with each other. They are learning how to handle relationships. These connections are good for their self-esteem. Would you rather they weren’t talking to anyone?

If you’re concerned about the phone bill, make a deal that the kids pay for any charges over a certain amount per month. Otherwise, leave them alone or don’t listen.

Another MBA-type “problem” has to do with dress and appearance. This issue involves clothing, hair, earrings and other attachments to the body. It’s not reasonable to expect your teens to want to dress like you. Remember, part of their thinking is that they often want to look as different from you as possible.

One solution to the appearance problem: the kids can wear anything that the school will let them in the door with. Of course, schools’ criteria are not too strict these days, but this policy does offer some control.

Another MBA? That messy room. What a pit! Your stomach writhes in agony every time you look at it. Do you know that there are no studies that prove that teens with messy rooms grow up to be homeless persons, schizophrenics, or have a higher divorce rate than the rest of the population?

What’s the solution? It may be to close the door and don’t look. Or leave the door open and close your eyes as you go past. A sloppy bedroom is aggravating, but it isn’t really a major problem or a sure indicator of deep psychological trouble. Also, be realistic. If all the nagging and arguing and lecturing you’ve done over the years hasn’t convinced your 17-year-old son to clean his room regularly, he isn’t going to start now no matter what you do. We respectfully suggest that you have lost the battle. It’s not the end of the world, and you don’t want arguing about a messy room to be the end of your relationship.

If you already have your own rules about the MBAs we just discussed, and your rules are working just fine, pay no attention to the advice here. What does “working just fine” mean? Two things. First, the rules are not unreasonably restrictive. Second, the rules do not result in a lot of nagging, arguing or lecturing.

Other MBAs

Here are some other probable Minor-But-Aggravating issues that you might consider staying away from:
Musical preferences Eating habits
Grammar Use of allowance
Not going on family outings Using your things
Intermittent negative attitude Forgetfulness with chores
Certainly these problems can all be aggravating—in fact, very aggravating—but they should not necessarily be taken as indications that your child is emotionally disturbed. Remember this cardinal rule for parents of adolescents—especially as the kids get older: never open your mouth unless you have a very good reason.

On the list of other possible MBAs are things like arguing, bedtime, swearing and bumming around town. These items may or may not be serious, depending on your situation. They are usually less serious the more competent your teenager is, the better your relationship with the child is, and the better you are doing yourself.

By the way, can you guess which two problems bug parents the most? Not drugs and drinking, not even smoking. In our surveys the “winners” are consistently arguing and sibling rivalry. This fact does not, of course, mean they are the most serious—simply the most frequently infuriating.

What Are Not MBAs?

Adolescence is difficult enough for kids and their parents, but sometimes certain psychological problems—which are definitely not MBAs—are added to the picture. These can cause intense suffering for adolescents as well as their parents. Parents should not try to manage these difficulties on their own; professional evaluation and counseling are usually essential. These more serious, non-MBA problems include the following:

Anxiety Disorders: some children are biologically predisposed to have excessive fears. These anxieties can relate to social situations, separation, obsessive thoughts and life in general.

Depression: true clinical depression involves a consistently gloomy view of life and, in adolescents, persistent irritability. It lowers self-esteem, takes the joy out of things, and is often accompanied by appetite and sleeping disturbances, social withdrawal and underachievement.

Attention Deficit Disorder: definitely the most common childhood and adolescent problem. The poor concentration skills and frequent intense temperaments of these children can affect all areas of their lives—at school, at home, and with peers.

Conduct Disorder: perhaps a euphemism for what used to be called “juvenile delinquency.” CD kids are defiant, abuse the rights of others, and prematurely act out in areas such as sex, drugs, stealing and fighting. These children blame everyone else for their problems.

Eating Disorders: anorexic girls refuse to maintain a normal body weight and have very distorted images of their own bodies, seeing fat where none exists. Bulimics can maintain a normal weight but often engage in binge-purge routines that jeopardize their physical health and trigger intense shame.

Alcohol and Drug Abuse: it is common for teens to experiment with alcohol and marijuana. Some, however, overuse these substances or use them in combination on a regular basis. A major problem exists when the drug use becomes a central life activity for the adolescent, especially when this use interferes with school, social, work and family life.

Divorce-Related Problems: kids are resilient, but recent evidence suggests that parents’ divorce can be especially traumatic for some children. When remarriages are involved, adolescents are harder to merge into the “blended family,” sometimes causing extreme stress on second marriages.

Sexual Abuse: estimates of the percentage of girls who have been sexually abused vary widely, but there is no doubt the number is high. The effects on a child can range from precocious sexual activity to chronic guilt, poor interpersonal relationships and low self-esteem.

Worrisome and irritating adolescent behaviors are not all the same. Take a moment to reflect. Perhaps you’ve been having fits about some relatively minor things. On the other hand, perhaps you’ve been ignoring a problem with which you and your child need professional assistance.

# # #

Adapted from Surviving Your Adolescents: How to Manage & Let Go Of Your 13-18 Year Olds, 3rd Edition by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. © 2012 (available both as a book & an audiobook). Nationally recognized as an expert on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder, Dr. Phelan has practiced for over 25 years and he appears frequently on radio and TV. Over 1,300,000 copies of 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 books, videos and audiobooks have been sold (Spanish versions are also available). Visit your local bookstore for Surviving Your Adolescents, 1-2-3 Magic or any of Dr. Phelan’s other books, or call toll-free 1-800-442-4453 or visit www.parentmagic.com.

Dr. Thomas W. Phelan is an internationally renowned expert and lecturer on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. He appears frequently on radio and TV, including regular appearances on "Fox News in the Morning" on WFLD-TV in Chicago. He has been quoted in numerous publications, including Parents Magazine, Reader's Digest, Today's Parent, Ladies Home Journal, and The Wall Street Journal.

A registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist in private practice since 1972, Dr. Phelan has produced many video, book and audio titles for parents and teachers





Monday, October 8, 2012

'A New Job Description for Parents of Teens' Guest Article by Thomas W. Phelan

This is the third guest article in a series by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. He is the author of the 1-2-3 Magic series for parents and teachers. This post comes from his latest book Surviving Your Adolescents.


A New Job Description for Parents of Teens
by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.

Mom and dad are angry. Why is that? It’s because their fifteen-year-old son just walked out the door and only grunted when they said, “Have a nice day.” They’re thinking, “So what are we, chopped liver?”

In the third edition of Surviving Your Adolescents, I offer some specific advice to these parents. The advice begins with what a major attitude adjustment. The adjustment begins with realistic sympathy for this mom and this dad: Their teenager’s behavior is unpleasant and inconsiderate. At first glance, there seems to be no reason for this snub. Mom and dad wonder what they did wrong.

On the other hand, though unpleasant, their teen’s behavior is normal and it is not a sign that they (mom and dad) did anything wrong. Teens all over the world are treating their parents the same way: snubbing the older folks as well as scaring them with regard to potential problems such as driving, drugs, alcohol, sex and tech involvement. Regularly snubbing parents, however, doesn’t mean the teens are screwy. Distancing themselves from parents is one way for the kids to manage a horrendously long, drawn out and insulting adolescence that wasn’t their idea in the first place. On top of that, adolescents have a ferocious desire to run their own lives.

So you’re the parent of an adolescent. What are you supposed to do with this kid? A solid new job description for you will depend on some bad news and some good news. Let’s take a look at both.

The Bad News

The bad news has three parts. First of all, when your kids were little, you certainly worried about their behavior, but not as much as you do now. Why? The stakes seem to be higher at this point. It’s drinking and driving now vs. the toddler who got out of bed then. It’s sexual behavior now vs. not eating all your dinner then. Drug taking vs. sibling rivalry, and so on.

Second, while your anxiety level has risen due to the increased severity of the possible behavioral consequences, your control has dropped way down. When the toddler got out of bed, you were there to do something about it. When the youngster wouldn’t eat her dinner, you were physically present and could come up with some way of dealing with the refusal. Now, however, it’s different. The teens, if they want, can tailgate while driving the car. They can have sex if the opportunity presents itself, experiment with marijuana or access porn sites on the web. You can no longer physically stop them; you are no longer The Director.

Third, if you want to see things change, to the extent that you can still affect your kids’ behavior, you will have to change first. The teens have too much on their plate, and they will not reach out to you. That’s just the way it is.

The Good News

That was the bad news; now the good news. First, most teens don’t kill themselves or others while driving, get addicted to drugs, get pregnant, get STDs, or have disastrous encounters with technology. Even if you did nothing intelligent about your relationship with your kids, odds are they would not be ruined by their behavior.

Second, research seems to show that your differences with your kids are not as revolutionary as you might think. On the one hand, for example, it appears teens are more affected by their peers in matters such as dress, appearance, musical tastes, friendships and their treatment of adults. On the other hand, however, parents have more effect on an adolescent’s basic life values, such as kindness, hard work, ability to follow the rules and cooperate with others, effort and courage. Parents also significantly affect a youngster’s educational plans.

Third, in spite of their behavior, teens still care a lot about what their parents think of them and of how they’re doing with the gigantic tasks involved in growing up. That’s one of the sad things about parents who simply snub their kids right back. Irritated, rejected moms and dads don’t show appreciation or encouragement for a teenager’s hard work. And yes, hard work (in fact, very hard work!) can involve something as straightforward as getting out of bed and showing up at school for a history test with a pimple the size of Mt. McKinley in the middle of your forehead.

Finally, in the good news category, research has repeatedly confirmed that teens do best and get hurt less frequently when parents a) maintain some reasonable type of behavioral monitoring and b) maintain as open and as friendly a relationship with the adolescents as possible, as opposed to a hostile and distant one. So, though it isn’t always possible (and yes, sometimes it is too late), a new job description should be geared toward these two goals.

A New Job Description

Here is a five-part outline for the profession known as parent of adolescent:

1. Don’t Take It Personally: By and large, teens’ aggravating behavior (rejection and risk) is not directed at you, their parent. This behavior, instead, is the result of adolescence itself. Understand that and your angry reaction will change.

2. Manage and Let Go: Teens may say they want you to totally leave them alone. Too bad. Some reasonable monitoring is still required, but you also need to know when to keep your mouth shut and let the kids handle their own lives.

3. Stay in Touch: Once you’ve gotten the urge to snub the kids back out of your system, how do you relate to someone who won’t answer a simple question like “How was your day?” First, you avoid the Four Cardinal Sins and second, you employ four simple connection-building strategies.

4. Take Care of Yourself: If life isn’t treating you too well, you’re the last person in the world who should be trying to “manage” a worrisome teen. How do you know if your negative emotions come from the kid or from yourself? You don’t, so you’d better deal with yourself first.

5. Relax and Enjoy the Movie: Handle items 1-4 reasonably well and maybe you’ll be able to calm down, let go and enjoy—most of the time, anyway—the unfolding of your adolescent’s life.

Your primary goal is no longer to control your teens. Your goal is to help them become competent adults who leave home, establish new relationships, contribute something to the world and who enjoy life. If you can get past the worry and irritation caused by The Snub and the threat of risk-taking, your hope for your kids might be that they get the most out of their existence and that you can enjoy them in the process.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’
Lovin’ might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’
I Hope You Dance, Lee Ann Womack
To do your part you’ll have to let go of your former director role and ease into more of a consultant position. That's the new job. The teen is going to be doing most of the work, with the assistance, hopefully, of a positive relationship with you.

Dr. Thomas W. Phelan is an internationally renowned expert and lecturer on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. He appears frequently on radio and TV, including regular appearances on "Fox News in the Morning" on WFLD-TV in Chicago. He has been quoted in numerous publications, including Parents Magazine, Reader's Digest, Today's Parent, Ladies Home Journal, and The Wall Street Journal.

A registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist in private practice since 1972, Dr. Phelan has produced many video, book and audio titles for parents and teachers



Monday, October 1, 2012

'Welcome to Planet High School' Guest Article by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.

This is the second article in a series of four from Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. for parents of teenagers. He is the renowned author of the 1-2-3 Magic series and Surviving Your Adolescents.


Welcome to Planet High School
by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.

One of the toughest parts of being the parent of a teenager is trying to figure out which aspects of your kids' behavior are trouble and which are normal. Some days, it seems that most of what teens do is strange, aggravating and worlds apart from the way they used to be. What ever happened to that easy-going nine-year-old whom I used to enjoy so much?

Below is a list of characteristics you can reasonably expect to see in your normal, average teenager. Anticipating these can help you in several ways. First of all, it tells you that these new traits are not necessarily dangerous. Second, knowing what's normal can allow you not to take these qualities personally—as if they were your fault, or as if they represented some kind of personal rejection. Finally, memorizing this list will get you to work on one of the primary jobs of the parent of an adolescent: toleration of nonessential differences.

Change

Adolescence is a time of massive, multiple changes. Some of these changes take years, while others seem to occur almost overnight. Some changes are exciting, while others may be bewildering or even upsetting for teens and parents alike.

Physically the body of an adolescent will change more than it will at any other time of life except infancy. From the beginning to the end of puberty, adolescents on the average add 10 inches in height and 40 pounds in weight. The growth spurt for girls begins around age 11, on the average, and is completed by age 16. Girls' hips broaden relative to their shoulders and waist, and they tend to add more fat on their arms, legs and torso. The growth spurt for boys starts around age 13 and continues until about age 17 1/2. Boys' shoulders broaden relative to their waists, and they develop larger skeletal muscles while decreasing arm and leg fat.

During puberty the sex hormones start to do their thing. This means that perspiration, oiliness of the skin and hair, and body odor all increase. Sex hormones also see to it that primary and secondary sexual characteristics develop. Teens do not always greet these physical events with enthusiasm. Girls react to the arrival of their first period with surprise and mixed emotions which depend, in part, upon how much support they receive from family members and how much prior information they have. Boys usually have more advance information before they experience their first ejaculation, but in general they receive less support for the physical changes of puberty than do girls.

While the physical changes mentioned above take a few years, it may seem to parents that some of the other changes I'll describe in this article occur overnight. One day, without warning, the child's bedroom door shuts and stays shut. During one summer month the youngster seems to have become glued to a new set of friends, and suddenly he could care less about family affairs.

Weirdness

Make no bones about it. Teenagers are weird! They love weirdness, shock value, strange sounds, colors and clothes. Being different—from adults, not from each other—becomes an important goal in their daily activities. Forging an identity does not mean slavish imitation of your own mother or father.

While in a grocery check-out line one day, I was struck by the appearance of the young girl who was ringing up the orders. Though she had a very pleasant personality, the amazing thing about her was her hair. Half of her head was sporting a blue crew cut, while the other half had spiked, orange hair. While gazing at this remarkable display I found myself trying to decide if she had been cute before she had done this to herself.

It may be true that all generations think the music of the next generation is weird. My parents thought Elvis Presley was extremely odd and almost immoral, while my friends and I loved his music. Now I myself don’t like rap “music,” cannot understand how anyone would ever want to listen to it in the first place, and don't see how it qualifies as music.

Among teens, army jackets have, to some extent, been replaced by clothes that are pretty much falling off their owners' bodies. Boys' haircuts appear to have been done by placing a bowl over the head and simply shaving around the edge. Pierced ears—by themselves—are now old-fashioned. The new trend is to pierce—apparently as many times as you can—anything made of flesh that sticks out. Noses, tongues, eyebrows, navels. A body part doesn't have to stick out much to qualify as a target.

Distance

Parents will find that their teens are becoming more and more distant from them, both physically and emotionally. The child doesn't want to eat dinner with the family as often as before. She is less interested in going out with you as well, whether it's for dinner, to a movie or for family get-togethers.

Privacy becomes more important to the adolescent. Her door is now shut more of the time, and you're left wondering what's going on in there that wasn't before. It's certainly not all homework. The meanderings of younger brothers or sisters into your teenage daughter’s bedroom may be met with bursts of temper and demands to be left alone.

Communication also isn't the same. Where you used to sit around and shoot the breeze after dinner, now the kid is gone without having said hardly anything. It doesn't seem she tells you as much as before about things that bother—or excite—her, though she appears to be able to talk on the phone for hours with friends. Innocent questions, such as "How was your day?" are often met with an attitude of irritation or suspicion, as if you were unjustly prying into her affairs.

Your daughter is showing more and more independence. For one thing, she is simply not home as much as before. It's nice she has a job, but between that and her friends, you hardly ever see her. Your suggestion that the two of you go out shopping for clothes met with an icy stare. Now she'd rather do that on her own.

Peers

Your child's social focus has shifted dramatically away from home and toward friends. During his spare time he wants to go out with his buddies. He seems to have little time for family, or for you, or for doing what he's supposed to around the house. Essential tasks like cutting the grass don't get done, but there seems to be plenty of time for frivolous encounters with friends. Half of these kids you haven't even met, and some of those you have met you're not at all sure you like.

When a relationship with the opposite sex develops, it is positively obsessive. Long and extremely private conversations on the phone are followed by starry-eyed wonder or unexplained moodiness. The question, "Is there something wrong?" inspires a snarl and a not-too-gentle hint that you should mind your own business. When—God forbid—a romantic relationship ends—after months of breakups and tearful reunions, you find yourself unable to sleep at night, worrying about depression and suicidal potential.

Inexperience

The teenage years are a time of great excitement as well as great turmoil. Part of the excitement comes from what the teen sees as the unlimited possibilities ahead. The mind of the adolescent, therefore, is occupied with more dreams than experience. The dreams are endless and—in a sense—they are always instantly available in one’s fantasies. On the other hand, the dreams are not realities yet, and this yields an often painful sense of inferiority and lack of identity. The career that may come does not exist and may not even be chosen; the family (spouse and kids) one may create later is not here now.

The result is that adolescents spend a lot of time in fantasy. Their whole life is before them, and they like to dream about what it will be like. The psychological pain that may result from the current lack of fulfillment can be partially managed by such daydreaming. Teens also have not had a lot of experience yet in testing these dreams out against reality, so many of their notions may seem crazy to their parents. The inexperience of adolescents, however, does not mean that teens have no opinions about anything!

Self-Consciousness

Younger adolescents become extremely focused on their own thoughts, feelings and activities. In fact, some writers have pointed out that it’s almost as if the child feels she is constantly on stage in front of some imaginary audience. She may feel that her own experiences are so intense and unique that no one else—least of all her parents—could possibly understand what she is going through. In feeling misunderstood, teens forget that their parents were adolescents once too. In a sense, though, the kids have a point, because many parents react impulsively to their adolescent offspring and don’t take the time to recall what it was like when they were that age. Parents may complain that “she’s too wrapped up in her own little world” without remembering what that “little world” was like for them a long time ago.

The other side of self-consciousness, of course, is egocentricity: the whole world is watching and everything revolves around me. This orientation toward life is definitely a mixed blessing. The adolescent may feel that her successes are marvelous and amazing—testimonials to her incredible potential. On the other hand, failure and being criticized in front of others can be excruciating. “That’s just great. Now everyone will think I’m a total dork!”

Risk-Taking

Adolescents take risks. They are experimenters. We worry about their driving, drug use, smoking, drinking and sexual activity. Teens can be dangerously creative. One study of adolescent mortality, for example, reported a number of teenage deaths that were due to skateboarding under the influence of alcohol.

Some adolescent risk-taking, of course, is due to a natural, healthy curiosity about life. There are so many fascinating new experiences to be discovered! Teenage experimentation also results from the urge to do things differently from one’s parents. “Mom and Dad are such a drag sometimes; don’t they ever have any fun? I’m going to do things my way and enjoy life.”

Some risk-taking also results from the egocentric adolescent view that one has unique awareness and special abilities that will not allow injury. Even though teens are at a point where they can intellectually appreciate the possible consequences of certain behavior, they don’t always “put two and two together” when it comes down to their own actions. Sadly, every year thousands of teen pregnancies and auto fatalities are caused, in part, by this unfounded sense of invulnerability.

Variation Among Teens

Not all teenagers, of course, will exactly fit the description of “normal” adolescents that we have just proposed. Along the lines of the study we just mentioned, you might think of teens as very roughly falling into three categories: Straight Arrows, Experimenters and Seriously Disturbed. The middle group, the Experimenters, is what we just tried to describe as the “normal” teenager.

What you see in the Straight Arrows are fewer of the characteristics that tend to grate on parents’ nerves. While these kids may feel just as self-conscious inside and may be just as inexperienced as the other groups, the Straight Arrows show no sudden changes, less slow change, and less weirdness. They are less independent, more inclined to stay involved with the family, and less critical of their parents. Arguing and risk-taking in this group are minimal.

While the Straight Arrows are less aggravating, they may not be as emotionally well adjusted as the Experimenters. The normal teenager aggravates his parents on a fairly regular basis. The irony here is that if you have a teenage child that doesn’t worry or aggravate you at all, perhaps you should be worried! Take this with a grain of salt, of course, because many kids who are Straight Arrows on the outside are doing just fine. Others, however, may be far too shy, withdrawn or depressed.

The Seriously Disturbed group, on the other hand, aggravates and worries their parents far too often. They are extremely weird, rebellious and argumentative. In regards to driving, drugs and sex, these kids take serious risks on a regular basis, but their parents don’t know the half of it. These teens are inexperienced and actually naive, but they come across as egocentric, totally independent and cocky. They are very involved with friends whom their parents have either never met or whom they don’t like.

A parent’s job can be complicated by what “types” of adolescents they get and in what order they get them. Imagine your first teen was of the Disturbed variety. You got baptized early. If your next child turns out to be a normal Experimenter, she will feel to you like a Straight Arrow. What a relief! And if your first adolescent was Seriously Disturbed and your next one turned out to be a Straight Arrow, she must have felt like a gift from heaven.

On the other hand, what if your first was a Straight Arrow? You got spoiled and perhaps developed some unrealistic expectations about what average teens are like. If your next child turned out to be an Experimenter, you may have seen him as Seriously Disturbed and in need of psychological treatment. And what about a Disturbed teen who follows a Straight Arrow? This sequence, of course, is tailor made to drive parents crazy.
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Adapted from Surviving Your Adolescents: How to Manage & Let Go Of Your 13-18 Year Olds, 3rd Edition by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. © 2012 (available both as a book & an audiobook). Nationally recognized as an expert on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder, Dr. Phelan has practiced for over 25 years and he appears frequently on radio and TV. Over 1,300,000 copies of 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 books, videos and audiobooks have been sold (Spanish versions are also available). Visit your local bookstore for Surviving Your Adolescents, 1-2-3 Magic or any of Dr. Phelan’s other books, or call toll-free 1-800-442-4453 or visit www.parentmagic.com.

 Dr. Thomas W. Phelan is an internationally renowned expert and lecturer on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. He appears frequently on radio and TV, including regular appearances on "Fox News in the Morning" on WFLD-TV in Chicago. He has been quoted in numerous publications, including Parents Magazine, Reader's Digest, Today's Parent, Ladies Home Journal, and The Wall Street Journal.

A registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist in private practice since 1972, Dr. Phelan has produced many video, book and audio titles for parents and teachers.