3 Easy Steps to Successful Parenting: What Am I Going to Do With This Child? by Karen McKenzieSmith

3 Easy Steps to Successful Parenting

Are you struggling with children that don’t listen? Want to regain control in a calm and assured way? Then this booklet is for you! This booklet outlines a tried and true procedure that uses real-life experiences in order to guide parents to use an easy 3 step discipline process. Packed with tips and tricks that work!

Author Karen McKenzieSmith is a certified teacher and counsellor that has taught post-secondary courses on parenting, won numerous teaching awards, and she is also the parent of three now adult children. Her 3 step discipline process is simple, and it works!

Available on Amazon

FREE for Kindle through 7/16

Rave reviews!

“This book is so easy and quick to read. For busy and frustrated parents it's a must. On looking at the title, one wonders, "No, it can't be that easy; just 3 steps to successful parenting?" Unlike other parenting books that may overwhelm you with complexity, Karen McKenzieSmith gets to the nitty gritty quickly, and she's so logical: Describe the behaviour you expect, set and communicate reasonable consequences with the kids input preferably, be consistent, be assertive while communicating, stay calm and neutral, model a positive attitude, take the age and developmental level of the child into consideration, etc., etc.. The author knows it works because she's done it. I know it works because I've done it. The author gives hands-on examples to which a parent can relate. I would compare this book to a short manual on "how to". As a grandmother of 11, a retired teacher and counsellor working extensively with parents and children, I have no hesitation in recommending this book to my clients”. ~~ Amazon customer 

“Karen gives a straight forward, structured, common sense approach for parental behaviour based on real experience. As a counsellor frequently encountering struggling parents, who have somehow let their child become the “boss”, this is a practical, self-help book that will put parents back in the driver’s seat, and culminate in young people of whom our society can be proud.” ~~ Val Kendall,Ph.D.

How to help the defiant child, by Barbara Roba, author of 'Building Blocks of Positive Parenting'

How to help the defiant child

Defiance is displayed when children refuse to follow rules and the directions of those in authority. This is typically seen with parents, teachers, and other caregivers. Defiant children use inappropriate behaviors such as being rude, refusing to do what they are told, and causing disruptions. Parents and teachers are normally very frustrated with these children and wish they could find a way to help increase compliance.

The majority of defiant children lack positive experiences in their life and may have parents who are authoritarian in
nature. This type of parenting style reinforces punishment rather than discipline (teaching) and does not take into consideration the feelings, needs, or wants of the child. It is a “do as I say, no matter what” approach to raising kids. Needless to say,this is unhealthy. As a result, we see these children displaying defiance and longing for control over their lives. This may result in using negative behaviors in an effort to obtain this control. Over time, the tension between child and parent worsens as the child’s response to punishment results in learning how to use defiance to get their needs met.

75 interventions are listed for defiance. I listed four here:

1. Be patient, consistent, and as positive as possible. Acceptable behavior happens over time and is highly influenced by parents, peers, life experiences, and interventions used by adults.

2. Attempt to identify your child’s triggers to becoming defiant. Do this by asking yourself, “What happened just before the behavior occurred?” Once you have it figured out, use incentives to motivate your child to have a more productive outcome in the future. Future planning for success is part of the learning process for both of you. 

3.. Identify what purpose the behavior is serving. Do this by asking yourself, “What happened after the behavior occurred?” This will help you to evaluate your own behavior and environmental factors that may be reinforcing negative behaviors.

4. Choose your battles carefully. Try not to argue or force compliance. These two things only serve to escalate hostile interactions. Use strategies such as planned ignoring, calmly give choices, calmly giving consequences, and letting the topic go until your child is calm. At that time, be ready to discuss how to use more appropriate behaviors.

Want more tips? Check out her book 'Building Blocks of Positive Parenting':

Blurb:

The book that parents wish their children were born with is here!Do you wonder what to do when your child refuses to listen to you? Do you wish your child wasn't so defiant? Is there a way to quell tantrums? Do you know how positive discipline can make your life easier as a parent? In The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting, Barb answers each of these questions and much more with easy to understand explanations, tips, plans, and interventions than can be put into place today!

Most parents have very busy lives and don't have the time or energy to spend reading parenting books cover to cover. The best part of The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting is that you don't have to read the whole book to see changes in your child. In the first few chapters, you will easily learn the foundations to positive parenting. From there, you take control and get to pick and choose from behaviors specific to your child. Doing so will allow for a targeted approach instead of having to weed through information that has nothing to do with your child and family. Given our fast-paced world, this book is a refreshing and easy-to-use tool to encourage positive change.

Buy links

Amazon / Behavior Corner / Teachers Pay Teachers / Tate Publishing

Bio:

Barb Roba is a licensed mental health counselor and has earned a masters degree along with her Certificate of Advanced study in school counseling. Her area of expertise is found working with young children and their families to develop positive parenting and behavior management techniques. Barb is a mother of two boys. She currently works as an elementary school counselor and provides online mental health therapy to clients.

Find her on Facebook and on Twitter.

Tips for parents of children with ADHD by Barbara Roba

How to help the child with ADHD

Children who have ADHD need very clear, consistent, and predictable limits. They have a hard time with warnings and unclear consequences. The same is true for those children who remain undiagnosed yet regularly display short attention spans, impulsive behavior, and/or hyperactive symptoms. Children who have difficulties in this area characteristically have poorer grades in school, fewer positive peer relationships,have lower self-esteem, and have more trouble with those in authority as rules and directions are not easily followed.

These are good children who want to please others, want to be liked by their peers, and who want to get good grades. However, several factors exist for these children that may not for their peers. To begin with, the brains of children with ADHD or like symptoms are wired differently than other children who do not suffer from attentional, impulsivity, and/or hyperactive symptoms. Environmental factors also contribute to the likelihood of experiencing difficulty in this area. Those who come from chaotic homes, have inconsistent parents, those who are abused or neglected, or have any other ongoing stressors are at a much higher risk.

My book has 45 inventions for ADHD. Here are four of them:

1. In the moment, teach your child to consider the consequences of their actions. If the consequences are not favorable, they should think about what choice to make instead.

2. Keep your verbal requests simple and clear. Many children with ADHD can only effectively manage one-step directions. Too many words make your message hard to understand.

3. Ensure your child has complete understanding of your requests and expectations. Do this by role-playing or physically showing them what you are expecting.

4. Use nonverbal directives when possible, such as sign language or pointing to the rules as a reminder. Many children become unaffected by verbal requests. Eventually, it sounds like “blah, blah, blah.” Nonverbal communication sends a different type of message that can be even more effective.

Want more tips? Check out her book 'Building Blocks of Positive Parenting':

Blurb:

The book that parents wish their children were born with is here!Do you wonder what to do when your child refuses to listen to you? Do you wish your child wasn't so defiant? Is there a way to quell tantrums? Do you know how positive discipline can make your life easier as a parent? In The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting, Barb answers each of these questions and much more with easy to understand explanations, tips, plans, and interventions than can be put into place today!

Most parents have very busy lives and don't have the time or energy to spend reading parenting books cover to cover. The best part of The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting is that you don't have to read the whole book to see changes in your child. In the first few chapters, you will easily learn the foundations to positive parenting. From there, you take control and get to pick and choose from behaviors specific to your child. Doing so will allow for a targeted approach instead of having to weed through information that has nothing to do with your child and family. Given our fast-paced world, this book is a refreshing and easy-to-use tool to encourage positive change.

Buy links

Amazon / Behavior Corner / Teachers Pay Teachers / Tate Publishing

Bio:

Barb Roba is a licensed mental health counselor and has earned a masters degree along with her Certificate of Advanced study in school counseling. Her area of expertise is found working with young children and their families to develop positive parenting and behavior management techniques. Barb is a mother of two boys. She currently works as an elementary school counselor and provides online mental health therapy to clients.

Find her on Facebook and on Twitter.

Barbara Roba, author of 'Building Blocks of Positive Parenting,' on children who do not listen

When Children Don't Listen

A child who does not listen to their parents, teachers, or other authority figures is one of the most common parenting concerns out there. Listening and actually doing what one is told are two very different things. We can listen to the words coming out of someone’s mouth, but that doesn’t mean that we will act on those words. The action part is a choice. In this case, it is the choice of your children.

As parents, we would like our children to always choose to act upon our requests in an appropriate manner. Reality quickly pulls us back when we encounter daily struggles in this area. Whether your child is not paying attention to you, is being defiant, or doesn’t seem motivated, you continue to be highly interested in them listening.

My book lists 29 interventions in the section of "Does Not Listen" I have listed four of them here:

1. Check that your child understands what you are saying. Do this by asking questions such as “What did I ask you to do?” or “Tell me what you heard me say.”

2. Begin counting to three when your child does not listen after one reminder or warning. If you get to the count of three, it means that your child should receive a pre-established negative consequence, such as a time-out. Much of the time, you will find that you will only have to say “one” and your child will begin to follow through with your request. Tip: Your child must be aware of the process and know what will happen if you get to three before you try
the counting method.

3. Use eye contact each time you and your child speak to each other. This helps to make sure you have their attention.

4. Remove all possible distractions when talking with your child. Turn the television off, no one else should be talking, you should not be texting, you should not be multitasking, etc. I know it is hard, but give it a try.

Want more tips? Check out her book 'Building Blocks of Positive Parenting':

Blurb:

The book that parents wish their children were born with is here!Do you wonder what to do when your child refuses to listen to you? Do you wish your child wasn't so defiant? Is there a way to quell tantrums? Do you know how positive discipline can make your life easier as a parent? In The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting, Barb answers each of these questions and much more with easy to understand explanations, tips, plans, and interventions than can be put into place today!

Most parents have very busy lives and don't have the time or energy to spend reading parenting books cover to cover. The best part of The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting is that you don't have to read the whole book to see changes in your child. In the first few chapters, you will easily learn the foundations to positive parenting. From there, you take control and get to pick and choose from behaviors specific to your child. Doing so will allow for a targeted approach instead of having to weed through information that has nothing to do with your child and family. Given our fast-paced world, this book is a refreshing and easy-to-use tool to encourage positive change.

Buy links

Amazon / Behavior Corner / Teachers Pay Teachers / Tate Publishing

Bio:

Barb Roba is a licensed mental health counselor and has earned a masters degree along with her Certificate of Advanced study in school counseling. Her area of expertise is found working with young children and their families to develop positive parenting and behavior management techniques. Barb is a mother of two boys. She currently works as an elementary school counselor and provides online mental health therapy to clients.

Find her on Facebook and on Twitter.

Meet Barbara Roba, author of 'Building Blocks of Positive Parenting'

Today I would like to welcome Barbara Rosa to the blog. You have already seen her book Building Blocks of Positive Parenting. Here, she is going to let us get to know her, her background, and services that she offers. Then, over the next few weeks, she will provide tidbits of advice on some common parenting topics on which she counsels. Thanks for stopping by!

What was the inspiration for creating your website and book? 

My own children have been my greatest inspiration in writing this book. I have seen a lot over the last 15 years working with children that I felt the desire to share what works and what doesn't work with the world. Additionally, in my career I was unable to find a resource that included parenting, mental health issues, and strategies all in one place - until now!

What kind of background do you have in parenting and education? 

I am the mother of two active boys. I have a masters degree in school counseling, a New York State license in Mental Health Counseling, a certificate in professional life coaching, and have worked as a school counselor for the past 13 years.

What do you offer on your website? 

behaviorcorner.com offers childhood behavior based content for parents and teachers. A blog for popular topics and strategies for positive parenting. Our newest blog for teachers is coming soon. Membership is available for free which opens up the newsletter section and allows for regular emails with positive parenting tips. Online counseling is also available which gives flexible options of email, IM, and Skype.

Do I have other books in the works? 

Yes, I am working on my second book right now that is directly related to "The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting" but will be for educators. The foundation of working with students along with strategies paired with diagnoses and common misbehaviors will be formatted for easy use in schools.

Are children today more difficult than we were at the same age? 

I feel that children aren't more difficult. They just have more to process and manage. Media, technology, and social networking has opened up a whole new world of knowledge that wasn't present even just a few years back. New developments happen daily. It is hard for children to distinguish between what is "cool" and what is appropriate. Parents definitely need to play a large role in this.

Because there is so much information out there, how do you make yourself stand out? 

"The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting" is one of a kind. No other book puts together foundations, explanations of diagnoses and misbehaviors paired with specific interventions, plus an appendix complete with even more tools.

Thank you so much for your time! We look forward to hearing more from you.

Check out her book 'Building Blocks of Positive Parenting':

Blurb:

The book that parents wish their children were born with is here!Do you wonder what to do when your child refuses to listen to you? Do you wish your child wasn't so defiant? Is there a way to quell tantrums? Do you know how positive discipline can make your life easier as a parent? In The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting, Barb answers each of these questions and much more with easy to understand explanations, tips, plans, and interventions than can be put into place today!

Most parents have very busy lives and don't have the time or energy to spend reading parenting books cover to cover. The best part of The Building Blocks of Positive Parenting is that you don't have to read the whole book to see changes in your child. In the first few chapters, you will easily learn the foundations to positive parenting. From there, you take control and get to pick and choose from behaviors specific to your child. Doing so will allow for a targeted approach instead of having to weed through information that has nothing to do with your child and family. Given our fast-paced world, this book is a refreshing and easy-to-use tool to encourage positive change.

Buy links

Amazon / Behavior Corner / Teachers Pay Teachers / Tate Publishing

Bio:

Barb Roba is a licensed mental health counselor and has earned a masters degree along with her Certificate of Advanced study in school counseling. Her area of expertise is found working with young children and their families to develop positive parenting and behavior management techniques. Barb is a mother of two boys. She currently works as an elementary school counselor and provides online mental health therapy to clients.

Find her on Facebook and on Twitter.

Getting Back 2 Greatness - The Nurtured Heart Approach

Do you have children in your life who:

appear angry or defiant?

exhibit temper tantrums?

do not respond to traditional discipline techniques?

Do you, as a parent:

find yourself yelling all the time?

feel like you’re not having any fun with your kids?

feel stressed out or anxious?

There is an approach that can help.

The Nurtured Heart Approach™ (NHA) created by Howard Glasser, is a method of parenting children with ADHD and others who are highly intense or difficult, by transforming the focus of their intensity and energy from one of ongoing opposition, negativity and failure, into one of success and achievement. It’s about recognizing and reflecting successes in every moment with your child. The good news is that this approach works with all children – whether they are impulsive, unmotivated, anxious, hyper, shy, entitled, etc. By using the methods outlined in the Nurtured Heart, all children flourish! 

Traditional parenting methods may work for the average child, but are not designed for the intense child and the harder parent’s try to implement these conventional methods, the worse the situation may get. Once the parent removes the computer, phone, TV and all other privileges, what options is the parent left with? The truth of the matter is that the child is running the show and isn’t afraid of his parents.

That’s why I created www.gettingback2greatness.com. I help families with spirited children by having the parents acknowledge and celebrate the child’s positive behaviors and reflect them back to the child, while giving no attention to the negative behaviors. Particularly intense kids who get all of our delicious, luscious attention when they are misbehaving and breaking rules so they rise to that expectation- why would they give that up?


We as parents, accidentally energize the choices we don’t want our children to make, by giving out $100 bills in the form of our attention, focus, and relationship. Energetically we hand out big bucks all the time. Children can feel relatively invisible when they are not breaking the rules and perceive the juicy connection when they do because the energy we give is often “upside down”. 

By realizing that we are the gift being sought by our children, we can now decide how to give them our attention, energy, and relationship. We can either focus on the negative - the whining, name calling, temper tantrums, back-talking, and all of the other undesirable behaviors, or we can change our focus and energize the children for all of the non-rule breaking behaviors that they do every day. 

Once the adult begins to celebrate the child’s positive behaviors, the parent creates a juicier, more spiritually nutritious “time-in”. As the child feels “nourished” by the parent, he will begin use his intensity in more successful ways.

Parents and teachers need to make a child feel valued. This is accomplished by recognizing the child’s positive choices and reflecting them back to the child in these moments to give the child a first-hand experience of success. Children don’t always know what they are doing right- they need our help.

This technique is a remarkable way of showing your child that you notice and care about many aspects of their life…It is not only a way of feeding their emotional reservoir, but of proving that they are not invisible. Indeed, many children feel they are invisible unless they are either going to the trouble of acting out or doing something exceptionally well.

By noticing the child for his everyday good choices, the child begins to feel valued and has a sense of belonging, not for something fabulous that they accomplished, but just for being who he is in each moment. 

Once you begin to implement this approach and the child feels “seen” – the parent will see the behaviors in their home shift and the child will show up in their greatness!

I am the owner of Getting Back 2 Greatness through which I provide one-on-one coaching, classes, trainings and speaking engagements on the NHA™. For more information- please contact me at Julie@gettingback2greatness.com, 702.461.0749 or visit my website at www.gettingback2greatness.com.

Julie has trained teachers, parents, religious schools, social workers, Foster Parents, Jr. League, Psychiatrists, spoken at Anti-Bullying Conventions, and taught a graduate class at UNLV on Parenting.

The approach, although originally designed for highly intense children, is tremendously valuable for all children. Whether your child shows symptoms of ODD, ADHD, is withdrawn, shy, aggressive, feels entitled, is unmotivated, etc., when you implement these strategies, you bring out the best in your child!

Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach, by Howard Glasser has risen to number one in sales among ADHD books. Glasser's work has provided parents with a highly effective interactive alternative to medicating their challenging children, one that creates successes for them, and allows them to internalize those successes.

Also find Getting Back 2 Greatness on Facebook

'Parents, Please Discipline Your Kids So We Don't Have To' Guest Article by Mary Jo Rapini

Parents: Please Discipline Your Kids So We Don't Have To

by Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC

Everyone has heard the story of Karen Kane, the bus monitor, being bullied and ridiculed by four seventh grade boys in Greece, NY. It was disgusting; horrible, violent and crude language hurled onto this 68 year-old grandmother who was doing her job. Karen didn't reach out and grab the ring leader (although he looked quite small), nor did she call on her cell phone or taser him. (The school continues to say they are shocked and appalled by this behavior even though Karen has said it has happened in the past and was ignored.) The kids were impulsive, not thinking or caring about later consequences, and kept going with their taunts, knowing they were being filmed. Obviously, they were having fun, and probably came from homes where this behavior was acceptable.

The tape is so disturbing that although it lasts for ten minutes, few people can watch it for more than three. People around the world are identifying with Karen. They too know what it is like to be bullied by someone and unable to stop the bully. They identify with her being an adult and trying the tactic everyone has been taught to do with bullies, "ignore them and they will go away." They don't go away though, and instead the taunting got worse with her attempts to ignore them.

Everyone knows about bullying; we all know what it looks like, with recent documentaries of bully behavior, and kids being driven to suicide. There are many of us who are fed up with it, and we are sick of parents sticking their heads in the sand and ignoring what their kids are doing. Some (but not all) of the parents of these kids are single parents. It's a lot more difficult to raise a child on your own, maintain a social life and possibly dating someone new. Obviously, something has to get squeezed out (we only have so much time), but what is being let go of is not okay. If you let go of being a responsible parent and raising responsible, respectful children who obey the law and are engaged with their family, you are letting your child down as well as all of society.  Some parents realize too late they never wanted to be parents, and they have no idea how to set rules, follow through with consequences, or discipline their child. Their goal is to keep their child supplied with video games and cash, so their kid will not interfere with their life.

Kids need discipline (teaching); they need guidance and moral mentoring, including limit setting. They need an engaged father figure to help with this. They also need a mother who is there with her watchful eye and ability to correct their child when they make a mistake. It is important for both of these parents to be committed to raising their child through the teen years. A kid learns empathy, respect for authority, and respect for others at home. If the parents aren't at home, have no respect for one another or their child, and don't set examples of morality, empathy and respect, how in the world is their child going to value those characteristics?

The children who bullied this woman on the bus had deeper issues than their insults to her. They are mirroring happenings in their family. We need to look at the kids and the family and treat the whole system. The schools are in need of change, but they are a reactive institution. The bad stuff doesn't begin with the school (although they are a great institution onto which to project blame); the bad stuff is in our homes. Here are a few suggestions for parents who feel as though their child has taken over the home.

1. Begin by finding a parenting class. This is easiest done by finding a great parenting program. They are listed in many of the free family magazines being circulated within your city. There is a wonderful website also that would be a great place to begin. It is called: www.howtoparent.org. They list a series of blogs and can help you find parenting classes as well as find help for you and your child. 2. No matter if you are a single parent or a dual parent, you need to make home represent home again. You do this with your time. RE-establish a mealtime, cook a meal and be there.

3. Be engaged and go over your child's virtual world. (If you are computer illiterate, hire a monitoring group to help.) Children live up to 80% of their waking hours in computer games, Skype, cell phones, Facebook, and anywhere else in the virtual world to which they can escape. Kids who are angry or depressed do not frequent positive websites, friends, or texts. You need to know what your child is doing. 4. Re-institute manners in the home. Talk with manners to them, and insist they address you politely. If you are angry and beating up others with your words or your fists, your kid is going to do the same thing (when you aren't around). Bullies have seen bully behavior somewhere, and it is usually in the home.

5. Go back in your mind to the last time your family worked well together. A time when you spoke politely to one another and your children obeyed your rules without challenging you. If it has been longer than 2 months, you need professional intervention. Sometimes, beginning with a family meeting and talking about what's going on can be paramount in helping the family become stabilized and working together. A professional counselor can help empower and support family rules that mom and dad set, which gives the family back structure and helps support the family while new healthier ways of communicating are being learned.

If or when a child cannot be polite and respectful, before I look too deeply into their eyes, I am going to look into the parent's. Kids are mirrors of the home. I have NEVER met a bully child without later meeting a bully, absent, or abusive parent. Take your kids back, give them a home, guidance and mentor respect for them.

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com. 

Review of The Power of Validation

Children have their own thoughts and feelings. Oftentimes these are overshadowed or ignored by the adults in their lives. Just as adults want to be heard and acknowledged, so do children. It is possible to validate a child's feelings, while still maintaining discipline in the home or classroom. The book The Power of Validation by Karyn Hall and Melissa Cook teaches you how.

Validation means teaching children to be comfortable with their own emotions. You have to take a step back and look at the whole situation, really listen to what is going on. Even if you don't think your child should feel the way that she does, you have to accept it. It does no good to tell her to not feel that way or that she shouldn't feel that way. The fact of the matter is she has her own set of emotions and you have to deal with them as is. To do otherwise invalidates her and can cause psychological harm.

Reading this book can feel like a big “duh” moment at times. Of course this is how you should respond to your child's emotional moments! But at the same time, we often forget how to communicate with our children in a heated situation. Our own feelings get in the way and we want to impose them on our children. We forget that they are also people with their own thoughts and emotions and deserve to be acknowledged. At the same time, we have to impose limits on their behavior and teach them how to properly express themselves.

This book goes through the process of validating children's emotions as a part of discipline. The concept is fully defined with numerous real-life examples. It also demonstrates how parents invalidate their children's emotions. Exercises throughout the book allow you to examine your own life and parenting style to determine when and how you validate or invalidate your children. Using a notebook to take notes or to journal as you read throughout his book is a great way to interact with it.

Parents will benefit from reading this book and should notice a change in their relationship with their children as a result. I also recommend this book for teachers. Sometimes we also forget how to validate our students as we go through our hectic days. In Montessori, we aim to validate our children on a regular basis. This book can give us more tips on how to do so, without feeling too “hippie” or “New Age-y.” It is an easy read, well-divided and in familiar language.

I received a complimentary set of galleys from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for my review.